Help Wanted!
Google, eBay, Craigslist, the New York Times, a famous writer and me
Shop Talk by Kitty Kaufman
Life as a Boston business consultant is one of highs and lows. One day you're brilliantly walking on water and the next, someone offers $12/hour to watch their cat. So much for integrative executive organization.When we created the Corporate Edge site last spring it seemed straightforward enough. If we could facilitate overworked, time-challenged, strung-out professionals finding us their problems, theoretically at least, would be over.
Or so I thought. First Google has to find you. When you're a web master, who is what you become when your own web master sets you free, you get newsletters about spiders. They are the key of life for an online presence and this is one of the few times when you actually want spiders to seek you out.
I'm sure they're overworked and underpaid. Still, we need them. Before I knew how they worked, Google merely linked to my alma mater and a woman with the same name who sells on eBay. She co-opted half the listings under my name along with somebody else from San Diego. Luckily, that one isn't selling anything.
So the question was, how will clients find us? I writing on blogs on The New York Times. In retrospect this was brilliant because The Times is terrific with spiders; it's almost as if they wave catnip in front of them. Your posts show up less than 24 hours later when you Google yourself. Sadly, being a political wise guy does not bring in much in the way of business. Unless you are already famous.
Okay then, a part-time job and someone said try craigslist. I spent hours crafting letters for hiring managers seeking time-management savvy office organizers who spell and edit, are all things to everyone and who could, if called for and it generally is, walk on water.
Never apply for any job calling for multi-tasking (which rules nearly every listing anywhere). Actually you could but then you have to charge the therapy rate which works out to maybe $200 an hour, or more if you are my physician or my lawyer. When you deliver this number, your therapeutically-challenged client will rail on how hat-changing multi-taskers are begging to juggle their projects for $12/hour.
Here are some of the 123 places to which I applied for part-time work armed with a degree in English (which in the dark ages was called Humanities or Liberal Arts).
Yankee Lobster to be a "hands-on" assistant general manager
Living Boston as a freelance writer
Charlie Allen to be a special project assistant supporting the CEO
Barneys, Copley Place as "assistant to the personal shopper" to "troubleshoot customer issues" and "deal with high-profile clients." Of course this was so wrong.
All About Elders wrote: "You sound fabulous. I wonder if we should sit down together and talk about not only how you can help our office get organized, but how we can fit your services into our business."
The Gifted Practice as a "well-spoken, polished, and wonderful creative writer, classy event planner, skilled designer of power point and other elegant documents who loves looking after one talented but crazed executive."
M S Walker, the liquor distributor, to be a merchandiser
Legal Sea Foods, yes that Legal, as an office administrator
A New York daily wanted a freelance writer who would get either three days or three minutes to turn out a story; I'm really disappointed I couldn't find out which paper it is.
MIT, yes that MIT, to be an events coordinator working with world class leaders
Great American as a writer who could "conglomerate research into structured concise analysis" on many projects at the same time. Yes, I know, I broke my own rule.
Schlesinger Associates to register convention attendees
Mod Green Pod as assistant to the owner
The Parent Review as business manager reporting to the president
Furnished Quarters as operations manager making sure apartments were tidy
All of which brings me, finally, to the point of what these guys have in common. If you've applied for anything lately, although not cellular phone service, it won't surprise you in the least. Not one of them responded. Nothing came from them at all, not a single word. No, not even an auto-response. Oh and by the way, the others using blind replies didn't answer either.
What is it? Silence; it's what's passing for okay. With business owners and human resources and people who run over your foot in the market looking the other way. You could say something or let those lazy pesky spiders take all the blame.
This one didn't answer either, of course. She should know that I know who she is: "A very famous successful writer businesswoman needs assistant from a top school. This person and her husband are known throughout the country."
http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/wri/521854913.html (Sadly, this craigslist post expired and you can no longer find it. The quote is accurate.)
P.S. to Kit Combes: Flakiness in human resources goes on.
© January 20, 2008
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