Too Much Information
H & H Bagels Toasted!
What I Ate by Kitty Kaufman
In the New York Times yesterday, the owner of H & H Bagels on the west side of Manhattan, pleaded guilty "to grand larceny for cheating on his company's taxes." Helmer Toro said he didn't turn over to the state the $330,000 he withheld in payroll taxes. He must know what to do with the dough, right?On the chance that you might not know what to do with your bagels, his website explains everything. You might even say it's too much information. They make sure that you, the bagel buyer, know how to store them, warm them up, slice them, and receive them from UPS.
You can see it here: h&h how-to. They teach you how to heat bagels in your microwave and conventional oven. Knife wielders get warnings to keep away from children. Even though there's no caveat about playing with plastic bags they are very, very clear they won't liable for what happens if you're using a knife near children while wearing a pacemaker. Of course.
Bagel accessories! All the usual along with a book called, "Bagel Thoughts." Here's a quote: "The easiest way to control a man (if you are a woman) is to feed him with love… have him smell a warm fresh baked bagel." About 20 years ago I personally might have considered this good advice.
Anyway, Mr. Toro will be spending 50 weekends in jail and paying more than half a million in restitution. I understand about the money but not about the weekends. Does this mean he gets to go to work during the week? Manhattan's district attorney said, "Under no circumstances can employers gain in business by cheating their employees." I guess it's possible the Times reporter caught him off guard. For an attorney to be that naive, he might try waving a hot bagel under the nose of his next criminal client to see if that works.
I might have felt better about all of it if only the webmaster knew how to spell bagel and bialy. Still, I'll take one of each please - no blueberries, no bran, no whole wheat, no cinnamon, no carrots, no zucchini and absolutely no raisins. Just plain, toasted, with cream cheese.
You can see the report here: New York Times Story
© May 28, 2010
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